I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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