i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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