chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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