so let's talk penis.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize