I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
