how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
