Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so much tequila, so little girl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
