My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
