so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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