the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
