I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
