I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
