new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
