It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize