overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
