bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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