Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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