They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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