omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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