billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
