I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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