Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
