I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
