Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
