Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
