apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize