I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Randomize
