alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
