Who wears a wallet chain?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
