i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
