Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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