Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
