im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
