I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
