Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
