Do you still have your period?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
