Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize