that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
