She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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