my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
