I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
