he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
