what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
