I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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