I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
