Please, let me fuck your mom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
