He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
