I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We are two peas in an std pod
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Randomize
