I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
