just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
