The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize