What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
