can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
