I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
