Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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