If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I smell like Dick and happiness
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