it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
