and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
