no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
