Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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