Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
