Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
