just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
