Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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