I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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