dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
