so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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