It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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