I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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