Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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