Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
