Betty ford says i'm here all night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
