He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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