yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize