I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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