we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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