She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
