So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
