I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
