Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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