Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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