I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
