Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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