just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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