were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
