Sober January is a disaster.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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