I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
