The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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